The Choices We Make
by sdy9
Summary: What if Serena never left for boarding school after sleeping with Nate? Would things still end up the same? Eventual S/N, mostly based on the books.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Hi everyone! This is my first attempt at writing a fanfiction since my middle school days (aka a long time ago haha), so bare with me. I don't have a beta, so please excuse any grammatical errors that may have slipped past my proof reading. In this story Serena never leaves after sleeping with Nate and she's forced to deal with her feelings/the consequences of her actions.**

**IMPORTANT NOTE****: This is heavily based on the books, specifically the prequel, "It Had to Be You". If you haven't read it, I suggest you do, or at least the part leading up to when Serena and Nate sleep together. Here's a link to all S/N moments in the prequel: **www(dot)nateandserena(dot)com/?page_id=198**  
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**This story is currently rated T, but will most likely be changed to an M rating as the story goes on. I'll be sure to let you guys know when that happens!**

**And finally, I do not own Gossip Girl or any of the characters in this story!**

**Read/Review and enjoy!**

Prologue - Choices

Serena van der Woodsen is good at a lot of things.

Making guys weak in the knees with a single glance? Yeah, she had been good at that for as long as she could remember. Talking her way out of a bad grade in French? Easy. (Especially after realizing that her 55 year old teacher was a pervert with a soft spot for blonds in short skirts.) Downing shots of Grey Goose like they're water? Not so easy at first, but practice made perfect. Making her beautiful best friend jealous? Apparently she was very good at that, even when she didn't mean to be.

Another thing Serena van der Woodsen is good at? Running.

It is and always had been her favorite defense mechanism. When she was 6 years old and her parents started fighting every night, she had always ran to Blair's house. When Charles Bass pushed her on the playground in second grade, instead of confronting him, she ran and hid behind the slides until the bell rang and signaled it was time to go back inside.

Serena didn't enjoy confrontation, and she definitely didn't like talking about her feelings or dealing with anything that made her uncomfortable. So she ran away from her problems. She was a runner.

Usually Serena considered herself a runner in the figurative sense. That wasn't the case today. Her long blonde hair, disheveled and matted, was blowing everywhere in the summer breeze as she sprinted down a busy New York City sidewalk. She had no idea where she was going, all she knew was that she had to run, literally run, as far away as she could from that townhouse, from _them_.

After her legs had carried her a few blocks away, she allowed herself to stop or more so the August heat forced her to. She stood in the middle of the sidewalk trying to catch her breath, while her mind was racing with a million different thoughts.

"_Nate? What the fuck, Nate? I've been out here for like an hour with my fucking suitcase."_

"Hey, move it lady!"

Serena shook her head as some middle aged business man brushed passed her. She had to get herself together. The back of her neck was damp with sweat and she was having trouble breathing. She looked down and realized that she was wearing a wool Chanel jacket in 90 degree weather. She had grabbed it out of Nate's mother's closet in an attempt to quickly cover herself up after Blair had shown up.

"_It looks like you guys have been having fun…"_

Blair. Blair Waldorf. Her best friend. Fuck. How could she have done this to Blair? Why did she always manage to fuck things up?

Serena felt the familiar sting of tears begin to well up in her eyes. She quickly brushed them away, threw her hair up into a messy bun and began walking back to her mother's penthouse apartment a few blocks away.

"_Sorry."_ _ The word felt awkward on her lips. What was she even apologizing for? And why was it so hard to breathe? She glanced up at Nate, who was staring at her with an intensity that told her an apology was the last thing he wanted to hear from her at that moment._

"_It's okay. Don't stop. I don't want you to stop."_

Serena opened her eyes and tried to catch her breath. She glanced over at the clock, an angry, red 9:30 PM glared back at her. Had she really slept that long?

Slowly sitting up, she let out a long sigh. The long walk back to her penthouse had been terrible. Aside from the fact that she looked ridiculous and people continuously stared at her (and not for the reasons they usually do), her thoughts, no matter how hard she tried to steer them otherwise, always wandered back to Nate and Blair.

When she finally reached the penthouse she was exhausted, both mentally and physically. After making sure no one was home (no one ever was), she went straight to her room and collapsed onto her bed, falling asleep within minutes. But of course she couldn't even find peace in her dreams. What the fuck was she going to do?

She let out another sigh before reaching over and grabbing her BlackBerry off of her night stand. Five missed calls, and three text messages. For a second she thought about simply turning the phone off, pulling her satin pink sheets over her head and telling the whole world to fuck off.

"_Coward," _her subconscious scolded her. With a trembling hand, she opened the list of missed calls first. Blair, Blair, Blair, Dad….. and Nate. Her entire body unintentionally shuddered. What had he wanted? To apologize? To say that he regretted what they did? Would she be able to handle that?

Slowly, she deleted each of the missed calls and then turned her attention to the text messages.

Two were from Blair, simply complaining that Serena hadn't answered her phone/called her back within five minutes of her call. Serena smiled, remembering a time several years ago when Blair had given her and Nate a lecture on the importance of always answering her phone calls, no matter what time it was or what they were doing.

The third message was from Nate. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening it. "_Please call me back, we need to talk._" The screen suddenly became blurry and Serena realized that she was dangerously close to crying again.

She quickly deleted the text message and tossed her phone back onto the end table before collapsing back onto her bed. The satin sheets felt cool on her skin as she laid there in the dark listening to her heart beat. She had no idea what she was supposed to do now, and if she was being honest with herself, she didn't want to figure it out. It'd be so much easier to just pretend the last twenty-four hours never happened.

Serena sat up suddenly, throwing the sheets off of her body as she grabbed her cell phone from the end table. She may not be able to erase what happened, but she could definitely ensure that she would never have to face Blair or Nate again.

She quickly dialed her dad's number and waited impatiently for him to answer. He finally answered on the seventh ring, "Hello buttercup." His endearment made her smile. Even though throughout her childhood her father was always away on business trips or working late hours, she never once doubted how much he loved her.

"Hi daddy," she began, as she continued to pace around her room. Concern laced her father's voice, "Are you okay Serena? You don't sound like yourself." Serena had to bite back a bitter laugh. He had no idea how not okay she was. "I'm fine," she lied, "I just wanted to tell you that I've decided that you're right, boarding school would be a great experience for me."

Her dad started rambling about how excited he was for her, and how Hanover Academy was an amazing school. Just as Serena was about to start pretending that she shared her father's excitement, something caught her eye. She slowly walked over to her dresser and picked up an old wooden picture frame. Tears instantly sprang to her eyes as she looked at the three little faces smiling back at her. She still remembered that day perfectly. They were seven years old and their nannies had decided to take them all to Central Park for the day. However, after being there for only ten minutes, it had started to rain. Blair began to cry that her dress was going to be ruined (some things never change) while Serena and Nate were running around attempting to catch the raindrops on their tongues. After several minutes of trying to force Serena and Nate to stop running around and convince Blair to stop crying, the nannies decided to take them to a nearby ice cream shop until it stopped raining. The picture was taken just after they were handed their cones. And even though Blair's dress was ruined, and Serena and Nate were covered in mud, it was still one of Serena's favorite memories. No matter how messy any situation had gotten they had always had each other.

"Serena, are you still there?" Serena set the frame back on her dresser and shook her head, what was she doing? She couldn't just leave them behind, they were her family and they always would be. "Yeah dad, I'm still here. But I actually don't think boarding school is right for me. I'm sorry." She cringed when she heard the disappointment in his voice. After convincing him she was sure this was the right choice for her, she hung up the phone and collapsed back onto her bed.

She could do this. Eventually she and Nate would both forget about what happened and everything would go back to normal. Blair and Nate would live happily ever after and Serena would be there every step of the way to support her best friends. How hard could it be?

Just then the familiar ding of her BlackBerry rang throughout the dark room. She glanced down at the screen and re-read the message and the sender's name three times before it finally registered in her mind, "Natie: _We need to talk, I'm coming over._"

Apparently, it was going to be harder than she thought.


	2. Lies

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in an update, I'm a full time college student with a huge procrastination problem (not to mention I tend to spend more time reading everyone else's fan fics rather than work on my own). Thanks to those who added the story to their alerts and those who reviewed! I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. This chapter is pretty long and I'm hoping to have the next one up sometime next week.**

**Also, the Nate in my story is a mixture of the one from the book (he's so freaking adorable, but I hate that he's always too stoned to make any kind of decision… ever), the one from the TV show (less of a stoner, but a little too much of an airhead at times), and my own personal version (which mixes the best of both worlds).**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl/the characters associated with it. (Also – anything in **_**italics**_** in this chapter came directly from the prequel, "It Had to Be You".)**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter One - Lies

Nate had always loved New York City at night. It lived up to its nickname - "the city that never sleeps"- and it was amazing the kind of people you could run into, no matter how late into the night it was. Nate smiled as he passed an elderly couple on the sidewalk strolling hand-in-hand on the warm summer night and he briefly wondered if he would have that kind of everlasting love with someone some day.

He let his mind wander to the two individuals that always seemed to occupy his thoughts, Serena and Blair. A frustrated sigh escaped his lips; he had really managed to fuck things up this time.

Nate hated to be the guy that went back and forth between two beautiful girls because he "couldn't help it" or he "didn't know what he wanted", but if he was being honest with himself, he really didn't have any idea of what, or who, he wanted. Blair and Serena were as different as night and day, and yet he found himself loving both of them. He always had and he probably always would.

Nate paused for a moment as he walked past the bench where he and Blair had shared their first kiss. He had taken her to see some cheesy romantic comedy (which he doubted he would have gotten through if he hadn't smoked a blunt just before picking her up), and then asked if she wanted to take a walk with him. When they paused to sit down for a few moments, he noticed her staring at him expectantly. That's how Blair had always worked- planning out her perfect story in her mind and then just expecting everyone else around her to follow the script.

And that night, Nate had. He leaned in, tucked one of her long chocolate locks behind her ear and then softly kissed her. He smiled as he remembered the look on her face when they pulled apart, he couldn't remember a time he had seen her happier. And yet, Nate had found his mind drifting towards a completely different first kiss that had happened only a few months earlier.

His first kiss with Serena had been completely different than his and Blair's. It had been unexpected, sudden, and amazing (just like everything was with Serena). They had been lying in bed, with Blair sleeping right next to them, when it just happened. Serena had literally just looked at him and kissed him. He wondered if Serena ever thought about what she did before she did it. And yet, he knew she wouldn't be the Serena he loved if she wasn't so reckless and care free. Nate allowed a small smile to creep onto his face as he thought about what would have happened if Blair had seen them kissing. They hadn't been dating yet, but something told Nate that he and Serena being together would never have been a part of Blair's life movie script.

And yet, here he was, walking to Serena's house in the middle of the night behind Blair's back. And for what? Nate had no idea what he even wanted to say to her, but he had to see her. He knew that what happened between them last night wasn't something he could ignore… it wasn't something that he wanted to ignore.

As he rounded the corner to Serena's penthouse he suddenly began to lose his nerve. His hands were sweating, and his stomach was at his feet. _Maybe I should've smoked that blunt before coming over here_, he thought. He took a deep breath and put on a smile as he approached the building's doorman, James. "Mr. Archibald! Long time, no see, how have you been?"

James was a kind-hearted, loud, Italian man and Nate had always liked him. When he, Blair and Serena were kids he used to sneak them in chocolates and hide them under the overly massive/overly expensive chairs in the lobby.

"I'm good James, how are you man?" James smiled as he patted Nate on the shoulder, "Can't complain son, I'm assuming Ms. van der Woodsen is expecting you?" The smile on Nate's face dropped momentarily. Was she expecting him? She had never responded to his text message. "Um, yeah… she is." _ I hope,_ his subconscious added. James gave Nate a knowing smile, "You know I always thought there was something between you two, ever since you were little." Nate was about to agree when he remember he was dating Blair… not Serena. "Oh, I... um, we're not…" James let out a small chuckle, "Whatever you say son, go ahead up."

Nate gave James one last glance before stepping onto the elevator. If his nerves were bad before, they were unbearable now. The elevator seemed to go thirty times slower than usual as Nate watched the numbers lighting up get higher and higher. Finally, the elevator shuddered to a stop at the van der Woodsen's floor and Nate shakily stepped out into Serena's foyer.

The dark room was bathed in moonlight, coming from the floor to ceiling windows throughout the main floor. Nate slowly made his way into the living room, barely making out the outline of the expensive European furniture the van der Woodsen's had imported years ago, the same furniture that Serena, Nate and Blair used to secretly jump on when no one was looking. It was also the same furniture that Nate had thrown up on after they had all gotten drunk together for the first time. He knew if you looked close enough, the stain was still visible on one of the cushions.

He continued on through the kitchen and the rest of the main floor, flipping on the lights as he went. Where was she? Had she left after he told her she was coming over? Did she really want to avoid him that badly? Was she out at some party, dancing up against one of the many guys that were always drooling over her? Anger and something else (jealousy?) briefly spread through Nate's body as he made his way up the stairs to continue his search.

When he reached the top of the marble staircase, he noticed a lack of light coming from any of the rooms on the second floor as well. Getting frustrated, he quickly headed down the familiar hallway until he came to a stop outside her bedroom. Sprawled across the door written in beautiful calligraphy, was _Serena_, in all pink letters. A small smile spread across his handsome features as he remembered when she had first forced Nate to come and see her "new door" when they were six years old. She had declared that it made her room the "perfect princess room", since she was, after all, a princess. Nate shook his head, she had no idea how true those words were.

Hovering in the threshold for several moments, Nate decided against knocking and slowly pushed the door open. In all the years he had known Serena her room had never really changed. The massive queen sized canopy bed sitting to his left was colored brightly with different shades of pink satin. The sheets were rumpled at the bottom of the bed (she always kicked the sheets off when she slept), which told him she had been here recently. There was a beautiful, full-length oak mirror near one end of the room, though Nate was never sure why she even had it, he knew Serena hardly ever looked in a mirror before leaving the house, she never needed to.

Nate made his way over to her dresser and briefly glanced at the picture of him, Serena and Blair sitting there. It was amazing how different things were now and yet still exactly the same. Nate's eyes then spotted something he didn't expect to see; there, perched on the top of her jewelry box, was the little blue sail boat figurine he had given her just a few months ago after they shared their first kiss… back when he thought they were going to end up together, not him and Blair. What the hell had gone wrong?

He picked the little boat up and slowly ran his finger over the small "_HMS Serena"_ that he had painted on the side. He smiled to himself; he couldn't believe he had been that cheesy.

"You know, I never knew you were such an artist," came a teasing voice from behind him. He took a deep breath before turning around to face her, but the site he was met with left him breathless anyways.

She was leaning against the door frame of her walk-in closet, watching him with a small smirk on her face. His eyes traveled up her legs, which were endlessly long and bare in a pair of gray "softy" shorts, or whatever the hell they were called. The neckline of her black beater scooped low enough to see the top of her breasts, making Nate's face grow hot as memories of the previous night flooded his mind.

When he finally reached her face, her smirk was gone and her navy eyes had grown wary. He hadn't meant to stand there like an idiot and blatantly check her out; he hadn't meant to do a lot of things when it came to Serena.

Clearing his head, Nate chuckled and finally replied, "Actually, some people say I'm going to be the next Monet, you better hold on to this fine piece of original artwork. It'll probably be worth a fortune someday." He felt relieved when he saw a smile return to her face, and she seemed to relax again. "Oh please, you couldn't even draw a circle in first grade art class," she teased, rolling her eyes at him as she finally stepped into her bedroom.

"Hey, I was just a kid in first grade, a lot of things have changed since then," he replied, but regretted the words as soon as he saw Serena's face fall. The mood had gone from teasing to tense in a matter of seconds, and Nate mentally scolded himself for not choosing his words more carefully.

"Yeah… things have changed since then." Her voice was soft and sounded far away, her eyes suddenly looked sad and tired. Nate didn't know what to say next. Serena was hardly ever sad, and when she was it usually only lasted for a matter of seconds.

After a few moments of silence passed between them, Nate felt the small weight hanging from his right hand, and remembered his "excuse" for coming here, if she had needed him to give her one. He cleared his throat and opened the plastic bag, pulling out Serena's light blue slip dress that she had worn to his house yesterday… before he had taken it off her. "I wanted to stop by and bring you this, I had Theresa wash it for you, and your um… ya know, underwear are in there too," Nate had to choke out the last part, and Serena's cheeks were covered in a deep blush by the time Nate finally shut up.

"Thanks," she murmured, grabbing the clothing and tossing it into her closet.

When she returned Nate was sitting on the edge of her bed, and a small smile graced her lips. "Oh, so now you think you can just get in my bed anytime you want," she challenged. Nate looked over at her and replied, "It's never been a problem before, Ms. van der Woodsen," his green eyes glittering mischievously.

Serena was about to come back with some witty remark about how any previous times he had been in her bed were before his balls dropped, but reminded herself, instead, what she had decided before he came here.

Biting her lip (and driving Nate insane by doing so), she hesitantly walked over and joined him on her bed, making sure there was enough space between them so that they didn't touch. She took a deep breath and angled her body towards him, finally getting the courage to look him in the eyes.

He really was gorgeous. Her gorgeous, adorable, golden Natie. Her eyes traveled down to his lips, and for a moment all she wanted to do was kiss him until they both couldn't breathe, until they forgot about the rest of the world. But her subconscious kicked in and Blair's beautiful face entered her mind. She finally looked back up at him to find his emerald green eyes searching her blue ones expectantly, as if hoping to find all the answers that he needed there.

Nate knew he should say something. After all, he was the one that came over here. But he found it hard to think with her sitting this close to him. He could practically feel her warmth radiating from her body, and his heart felt like it skipped a beat. Did she even know the affect she had on him?

"Serena," he began, his voice sounding unsure, but she quickly interrupted him. "Nate, we don't need to do this… thing. The whole conversation thing. Obviously you're with Blair, and she's my best friend... I forgive you for what happened last night, and while I appreciate you being all gentlemanly in coming over here to talk to me, we can just forget it ever happened."

Her words came out in a giant rush, and by the time she had finished she was looking down at the floor, instead of at Nate. But at least now it could be over with. He could be happy with Blair and not have to feel like he owed her anything.

There was a moment of silence, and Serena swore it felt like her heart was going to beat out of her chest. Why wasn't he saying anything? She willed herself to look up at him and was surprised by what she saw in his eyes; anger.

Nate felt like the room was spinning around him. He didn't know what he had expected her to say, but it hadn't been that. How could she just brush him off like that? Did he really mean that little to her? Was he just another one of those guys that followed her around like a little puppy dog?

He found himself getting off the bed and spinning around to face her. "Is that really what you want Serena? To pretend it didn't happen? Seriously?" His voice sounded harsher than he had meant it to, but he didn't really care at this point.

Confusion spread across Serena's breath-taking features. She furrowed her eye brows together and looked up at him, "What did you want me to say Nate? I'm not going to sit here and swoon over my best friend's boyfriend." Even though she did swoon over him on a regular basis, and probably always would.

"Can we just leave Blair out of this," Nate snapped, "This is between us, not her." It was Serena's turn to jump up from the bed, reaching eye level with Nate. She glared at him for a moment, trying to resist the urge to slap him across the face, "Seriously Nate? This has everything to do with her. She is your girlfriend," making sure to annunciate every syllable in the word girlfriend. And then adding as an afterthought, "And she's my best friend."

"What happened to us?" Nate asked his voice much softer than before. "What do you mean? " Serena asked, relieved that he seemed calmer. "I mean I thought… I don't know. You kissed me on Valentine's Day, and several times after that. But then in the hot tub at that party…"

Serena cringed. She was hoping he wouldn't bring that up.

_Serena could feel her own hands drifting through the warm water toward Nate's body, reaching for him. He was hers, her Natie, and she couldn't wait to kiss him again. And again. And again._

"_I don't want you to go to that dance with that girl," Serena heard Blair murmur bravely. Serena dropped her hands and forced them behind her back. Blair looked so hopeful, and her life was just so shitty right now. She deserved to have a moment alone with Nate. After a few minutes, he'd sweetly reject her, come find Serena, sweep her up in his arms, and carry her off to spend a blissfully romantic night together. The first of many._

"_Maybe I won't go," Nate replied, edging toward Serena._

_That's right, Serena thought blissfully as Nate drifted in her direction. He was grinning at her in that irresistibly cocky way of his, and it was all she could do to keep from hurling herself at him. Then Blair giggled giddily and flicked water at Nate's head, and Serena was once more reminded of her mission._

"_I've changed my mind," she announced, placing her hands firmly on the side of the tub. "I do like boys."_

_Nate chuckled and slipped his arm around her bare waist, pulling her toward him. Of course she liked boys. She liked him. She loved him._

_Serena squeezed her eyes shut and forced herself to wriggle and splash out of his grasp. "Actually, I've always really wanted to kiss Chuck," she lied, pulling herself up and out of the tub. She grabbed a white terry-cloth robe from off a chrome hook and wrapped it tightly around her body before skipping off._

"Nate…" Serena began, uncertain of how to continue, "that was just, I just… I don't know. Blair was going through such a hard time with her family and everything. And before I could even tell her about us, she told me she had feelings for you and then she asked me to help her get you two together…" she finished lamely.

Nate stared at her in disbelief for a moment. "And you just did it? Did I really mean that little to you Serena? Huh, so this is what it feels like to be one of Serena van der Woodsen's boy toys… exactly how many of us are there anyways?"

It was Serena's turn to be left speechless. How could he say that to her? He had always meant everything in the world to her. "Did you ever think to come find me after I had left the hot tub, Nate? Just because I left that night didn't mean you had to kiss Blair. It didn't mean you had to start _dating_ Blair. You made that decision all on your own, without ever so much as even talking to me about it, so don't you dare try to blame me." Serena was pacing now, and she knew that she was dangerously close to losing her tight grip on her emotions.

"You think I treated you like one of my boy toys, Nate? Really? Then please, tell me what you think you treated me like when Blair showed up at your house this morning?"

_Blair didn't even seem remotely suspicious. She lit a cigarette and puffed on it dramatically. "You guys would not believe what a freak show my aunt's wedding was. I just had to get the fuck out of there. And Scotland is so medieval. The toilet paper was like burlap." She turned and walked over to Nate. "Our wedding's not going to be anything like that," she told him, slipping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his shoulder. She heaved a huge, exhausted sigh. "My family is so fucked up. I'm just so glad to be home."_

_Nate patted her chestnut-colored hair, his face twitching with conflicting emotions. Part of him wanted to blurt out that he was in love with Serena, that they were together now, and though he was sorry for hurting Blair, she'd just have to deal. But part of him still loved Blair too. He loved how unsuspicious she was right now. How she was so caught up in the drama of her life she didn't have time to be petty._

_Blair lifted her head and kissed him on the lips, a long, inviting, 'remember me?' kiss. And he did remember her. He remembering kissing her for the first time, and he remembered loving her. And he remembered that he couldn't just break up with her right now because he'd hooked up with her best friend, whom he happened to be in love with, too._

"You treated me like I was nothing Nate, like I meant nothing to you. Like what happened last night meant nothing to you. You barely even remembered I was still there. But, you know, I'm sure you thought that since I have oh-so-many boy toys, seeing the guy I just lost my virginity to fucking kiss my best friend in front of me wouldn't bother me."

Nate flinched as if he'd been hit by an invisible hand. He had been such an ass this morning. But he hadn't known what to do. Blair had shown up so quickly he had barely had time to get dressed, let alone think about anything that had happened.

"Fuck…" Serena muttered under her breath as she felt the familiar sting of tears build up again. She scolded herself for letting her emotions get the best of her. This was nowhere near how she had expected this conversation to go.

"Serena," Nate whispered, his voice sounding strained. He started to move towards her, when she quickly held up her hand to stop him.

"I want you to leave Nate."

Her voice sounded cold and concise, leaving little room for argument. He had never seen her look so detached before.

"Serena, come on…" Nate started, but she quickly interrupted him again.

"I'm serious. I meant what I said, Nate. I just want to pretend this never happened". She was glad her mother had made her take those acting classes last summer; she almost believed the words she was saying were true. "I also think it'd be a good idea if we didn't talk to or see each other for awhile."

Nate shook his head and took another step towards her, "Serena, I'm sorry for what I did, but you're being ridiculous… if we just talk about-"

"Nate. I'm done talking." She saw the desperation in his face and she knew if he didn't leave soon, her resolve would break. "Last night was just sex. It didn't really mean anything and I'm sorry if I led you to believe otherwise."

Nate stood frozen in place. He couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. "You don't mean that."

Serena lifted her chin slightly higher, and pushed her pale blonde hair behind her shoulder. She knew the next words out of her mouth would hurt him, but not as much as it would hurt her.

"Nate, I'm seeing someone. He's older… one of my brother's friends from college," she bit her lip as she watched Nate's face drop, but forced herself to continue with her lie, "We met while I was up in Ridgefield this past month… I care about him, and I could really see myself being with him long term. So, like I said, I'm sorry if I made you believe last night meant anything, but it was a mistake. I was just caught up in the moment or whatever." She finished with a shrug, and prayed that her face didn't reveal that she was falling apart inside.

Nate felt like his blood was boiling and he had an increasingly growing urge to punch something. He stared at the beautiful girl in front him and searched her face for any trace of remorse; he found none.

"Fuck you." Those words echoed in the air, as Nate stormed out of her room and slammed the door behind him.

**xoXox**

Serena awoke the next morning to a soft knock on her bedroom door. Groaning, she glanced over at her clock; 9:46 AM was way too early for her to be coherent, especially after last night.

After Nate left Serena had stood, frozen in place, for a few minutes before she finally allowed the tears to fall. When she finally managed for pull herself together it was well after midnight and she felt exhausted. She crawled into bed and pulled sheets up to her chin and fell into an uneasy sleep. Her dreams were filled with images of either her and Nate or Nate and Blair. One nightmare even involved Blair walking in on them and her promptly grabbing a machete and chopping Serena's head off (Serena had a feeling that dream might become quite real if Blair ever found out what had happened).

Hoping that whoever was on the other side of her door would go away if she just ignored them, Serena grabbed the unused pink pillow next to her and plopped it over her head. Relief flooded over Serena as silence filled the room once again. She felt her eyelids slowly growing heavy when she heard another knock on her door, louder this time.

"Go away," she grumbled, squeezing her eyes tightly shut as she heard her bedroom door open.

"Don't speak to your mother that way darling, I thought I raised you better than that."

Serena cringed at the sound of her mother's voice as she walked over to the windows and pushed the plush magenta drapes apart, allowing the New York sunshine to stream into Serena's bedroom.

Burying her face deeper into the pillows, Serena silently wished herself to be anywhere else at that moment. It wasn't that she didn't love her mother, she did, but Lily van der Woodsen was missing a sensitivity chip when it came to her children, and especially when it came to anything that didn't meet her high society standards (i.e. anything and everything that Serena said and did on a daily basis, such as sleeping in past 9AM).

Serena kept her eyes closed for a few moments longer, praying that her mom would just disappear. She slowly opened one eye to see her mother standing at the side of her bed, glaring at her. Surrendering with a loud sigh, Serena tossed the pillow off of her head and sat up, returning her mother's glare. "What is it mom?"

Lily seemed to be momentarily taken aback by her daughter's hostile tone, but quickly recovered. Raising a perfectly manicured eyebrow, Lily sat on the edge of Serena's bed and cleared her throat. "First of all, I wanted to talk to you about boarding school again. I don't think you're thinking clearly-" "I already talked to dad about my decision mother, and I have no intentions of changing my mind, so if that's all you came here to tell me, then you wasted your time," Serena snapped, tossing the sheets off her body and making her way towards her walk-in bathroom.

Lily gave a reluctant sigh; she had no idea when her daughter had become so hard to talk to, but she missed the days when Serena didn't even know the meaning of the words "talk back".

"Blair has been calling the house all morning," Lily started, noticing that her daughter stopped dead in her tracks at the mention of her best friend's name, "And you know how annoyed your father gets when the line is tied up. She said she's been trying to reach you for over a day now, are you two having a disagreement?"

Serena mentally cursed her best friend for being so creative. Blair knew very well that Serena's father hated it when her friends called the house line (one of their favorite games growing up had been to see how many times Blair could call before Serena's father lost it- the number was usually somewhere around 3), Blair also knew it would only be a matter of time before Serena's father forced Lily to make Serena return her friend's call – on her cell phone.

"No mom, we're fine. I've just been busy, I'll call her back in a few minutes, tell dad I'm sorry," Serena replied, running a hand through her long blond locks, that still looked flawless even though she had only woken up moments ago.

Lily studied her daughter for a moment. Something didn't seem right. Looking into Serena's eyes, Lily saw a deep sadness, one that a young girl of sixteen-years-old shouldn't have to experience just yet.

Surprising them both, Lily stood up and pulled her daughter into a hug. "Whatever's going on, I'm sure it'll all turn out fine in the end," she said softly as she pulled away. And with that, Lily walked out of the room and closed the door gently behind her.

Serena stood there in shock for a few moments. How did her mother know something was wrong? Serena suddenly felt as if she had the words "I'm miserable" tattooed onto her forehead, subconsciously running a finger across the smooth skin there. Making her way into the bathroom, she slowly turned to look at herself in the mirror.

Her pale, straight hair fell just below her chest, gleaming back at her under the intense illumination of the three vanity lights above her. Her features were delicate and graceful, inherited mostly from her mother's side of the family. Serena had never been shallow, but she knew that there was no denying she was beautiful; it just was what it was. Girls had been copying her since elementary school; trying to mimic her smile or get their mother's hairdressers to give them the sun-kissed highlights that appeared naturally throughout Serena's hair every summer.

Serena had always been amused by her peers' obsession with her looks. Every one automatically assumed that her beauty meant she lived the perfect life; one filled with butterflies, rainbows, and constant happiness. And she gladly played the part that everyone expected her to. She indulged the guys that followed her around with playful flirting, she went along with Blair's schemes against girls that "they" weren't supposed to like, she got drunk at parties and danced on tables, and she was well mannered and polite in front of her mother's friends. Serena played her daily roles perfectly, projecting the image of the beautiful, care free girl that everyone thought she was.

Serena wondered what people would think if they knew what she had done last night. _The great Serena van der Woodsen_, she thought bitterly, crying herself to sleep over a guy.

Shaking her head, she turned the vanity lights off and walked back into her bedroom. She had known she could only avoid talking to Blair for so long, and it seemed as if her time was up. Reluctantly, she reached for her BlackBerry and scrolled down her list of contacts, stopping at the simple letter "B" with a heart next to it.

With a heavy sigh, she hit the send button and nervously waited as the sound of ringing began to fill her ears. Unfortunately, she didn't have to wait long as she heard her best friend's annoyed voice coming through the receiver after two short rings.

"Where the fuck have you been? I've been calling you since you left Nate's yesterday morning."

Serena was amazed how Blair always had the power to make her feel like a 5 year old child being scolded by their mother.

"I was tired B," Serena whined, "I literally slept all day yesterday." That technically wasn't a lie; Serena had spent all day sleeping, minus the small part when Nate had come over to talk to her.

"I swear to God Serena, if everyone in the world slept as much as you," Blair replied and Serena could practically hear the smile on her friend's face. Blair had spent countless hours throughout the years of their friendship trying to get Serena to wake up for one reason or another.

"You're starting to sound like my mother," grumbled Serena, "and speaking of my mother, apparently I have you to thank for her barging into my room this morning demanding I call you back."

"I have no idea what you're talking about Serena," innocence filling her voice, "But now that you're awake, we're going shopping. I have so much shit to vent about after spending a week with my fucked up family."

The last thing Serena wanted to do right now was prance around with Blair, pretending that she was perfectly fine, but she knew when it came to Blair, she had little say in any matter.

Already walking towards her closet, Serena replied, "See you in 20," before pressing the end call button and tossing her phone to the floor.

**xoXox**

"I don't think poor Mr. Simmons was ever the same after that night," laughed Blair, shaking her head at the blonde walking next to her on the busy city sidewalk.

"Well I had to think of something to distract him or else we all would've gotten caught," replied Serena as she took another gulp of her iced latte from Starbucks. "And the only thing you could think of was mooning him," the brunette asked, barely containing her laughter.

Serena smiled to herself as she adjusted the several large shopping bags that hung from her arms. The shopping trip with Blair had ended up being a pleasant surprise. The girls had spent the afternoon weaving in and out of Barney's, Bergdorf Goodman, Bloomingdale's, and Saks Fifth Avenue while reliving all the crazy things they had done during their first two years of high school.

She couldn't believe how easy it was to act completely normal around Blair. "I knew I could do this," Serena thought, giving herself a mental pat on the back. Now if only she could act this normal around…

"Nate!" Blair's voice rang through her thoughts and before Serena could protest, Blair was dragging her across the street to where Nate and Chuck stood, waiting for them.

The already warm summer air suddenly seemed 10 degrees hotter, and Serena found herself struggling to breathe properly. "You can do this," she told herself, "just act like nothing ever happened."

The smile on Blair's face grew wider as they finally approached the boys. She immediately threw herself into Nate's arms and embraced him, planting a kiss on his cheek before pulling away. "Hi beautiful," Nate said, smiling down at Blair. His emerald eyes then glanced over at Serena, who he greeted with a brief nod.

Serena stood there, momentarily stunned. Was Nate really that mad at her? The only form of acknowledgement she was worth now was a nod? She couldn't decide if she wanted to roll her eyes at him and tell him to grow up or give in to the tears she felt building up behind her eyes. She decided against both of these and, instead, plastered the famous van der Woodsen smile on her face. "Hi Natie, hey Chuck," she said cheerfully before taking another sip of her latte.

Nate's body immediately stiffened as soon as she spoke. So she thought she would pretend their conversation last night never happened? Nate felt a fresh rush of anger flow through his body. Serena had something else coming if she thought he was just going to sit back and play along with her.

"So what have you been up to," asked Blair, "besides watching Bass attempt to hit on anything with two legs and a vagina?"

"You know Waldorf, there is something so sexy about a girl saying the word vagina," Chuck responded, a small smirk appearing on his face.

"Ugh," Blair replied, disgust written on her face, "Why are you such a pig Bass? Maybe if you could learn to keep it in your pants, girls would actually be able to tolerate you. Sex isn't everything, in fact, Nate and I are waiting until we're ready, right babe?"

Before Nate could open his mouth to respond, the sound of Serena coughing filled the air.

"Sorry, wrong pipe," she choked out in between coughs, as she pointed to the latte in her hand.

"Mmm, I could think of something else I could put into your mouth that would make you gag like that," Chuck said, his eyes slowly traveling up Serena's bare legs.

Serena rolled her eyes, "Seriously Chuck? So gross."

Nate's hands had clenched tightly into fists and he was trying desperately to get the urge to punch Chuck in the face under control.

"Be careful with how you talk to her Chuck, her new boyfriend might get pissed," Nate said, the amount coldness in his voice even surprised himself.

"Her new what," Blair exclaimed, glaring at her best friend, "How could keep something like that from me? And more importantly, how could you tell Nate before me?"

A smug look formed across Nate's face, "Yes, Serena, why haven't you told Blair about your new boyfriend?"

Serena could feel her face growing hot. Her mind raced as she tried to think of something believable to tell Blair.

"I'm sorry B, it happened when I was in Connecticut with my family. And I know how much you hate hearing about my 'brief little flings', so I just wanted to make sure it had the potential to be a serious thing before I told you about him," Serena said, praying that her face looked sincere. "And the only reason Nate knows about him is because I mentioned it to him when we were hanging out the day you came back from your aunt's wedding," she quickly added.

After a moment, Blair let out a small squeal and threw her arms around Serena. "I'll let it slide this once. I'm just so excited that you actually finally have a boyfriend." Serena let out a sigh of relief and she returned Blair's hug, wrapping her bag-filled arms around Blair's small waist.

Looking over Blair's shoulder, Serena was met with an icy glare from Nate, which she happily returned. If Nate wanted things to be this way, then fine, she would happily oblige him. Serena van der Woodsen could be an expert in making guys miserable when she wanted to be.

After a few moments, Blair finally released Serena and immediately began bombarding Serena with questions about her "new boyfriend", all of which Serena answered with ease. It was amazing how much easier lying came to her the more she did it.

"I have a great idea," Blair exclaimed, "We should all go get drinks together tonight. Like a double date! Especially before Serena's boyfriend has to go back to college."

Serena was about to protest when Nate interrupted her, "I'm down, I'd love to meet the lucky guy." The sarcasm in his voice was obvious and Serena once again had to keep herself from lashing out at him.

"I guess I can call him and see what he's up to…"

"Great! So it's settled, we'll all meet up at Chuck's hotel around 9-sish. Bass, I guess you can come if you can find a girl with low enough self-esteem to tolerate you for an evening."

"I'll be there with several," Chuck replied, "I never limit myself to one female for an entire evening."

Blair rolled her eyes once again before declaring that she and Serena needed to find new dresses for this evening. She gave Nate a brief kiss on the lips before happily dragging Serena back in the direction of 5th Avenue.

And while Blair couldn't stop talking about the new dresses they needed to find, Serena couldn't stop thinking about the new "boyfriend" that she needed to find… by tonight.


	3. Jealousy

**A/N: To all of you that reviewed and added this story to your favorites/alerts – thank you so much. It really does mean the world to me to hear from you guys and every email alert I get is motivation to continue writing. I apologize that it took so long to get this posted; my life has been really hectic lately. But I did just get a new laptop and my summer classes are almost over, so that should give me some incentive to start updating more frequently.**

**Thanks again for the reviews and I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!**

**(*Note for you non-book readers – Erik is Serena's older, not younger, brother in the books!)**

Chapter Two – Jealousy

"Can you hand me that mascara?"

Serena grabbed the small black tube in front of her and placed it into Blair's delicate hand. They had spent the last half hour in Blair's massive bathroom getting ready, their new dresses hung on the door behind them.

"So Ryan's just going to meet us at the bar," Blair questioned as she scrutinized her freshly applied mascara in the mirror.

"Um, yeah," Serena replied, running her fingers through her straightened hair, "He should already be there by the time we get there." Serena smiled to herself as she recalled her phone conversation with her brother only hours before.

"_Hey sis, what's up?" Erik van der Woodsen's gruff voice projected through Serena's phone after only three rings._

"_Hey Erik," Serena replied, trying to keep her tone neutral, "I just called to see how you were doing."_

"_Seriously Serena," Erik scoffed, "We both know you never call me unless you need something or mom and dad want you to try and talk me into something."_

_Serena couldn't help but smile. She and Erik had always been close, having only each other to lean on when their parents were constantly gone. When he left for college two years ago, she had felt like she lost a huge part of herself. And although they only saw each other during holiday breaks and some parts of the summer, their close bond had never faltered._

"_Fine, I wanted to see if you could do your favorite baby sister a huge favor," she admitted._

"_First of all, you're my only baby sister, and a pain in the ass one at that," he teased, "and second of all, it depends on how big of a favor you need, I'm a busy man."_

_Serena rolled her eyes, "Oh please, we both know you're sitting on your ass on some beach in California right now, debating on whether or not starting to drink at one in the afternoon makes you an alcoholic."_

"_I have no idea what you're talking about," the smirk evident in his voice._

"_Uh huh, I'm sure you don't. But anyways, I need a date for tonight."_

"_The great Serena van der Woodsen needs help finding a date? Isn't that usually what you would go to Blair for? Or why don't you just stand in the middle of the sidewalk on Fifth Avenue and wait for some guy to hit on you. How long does that usually take, five seconds?"_

"_Wow, was that an actual compliment from MY brother? Are you sure you're feeling alright, Erik?"_

"_Very funny sis, but seriously, why would you need me to find you a date?"_

_Serena took a deep breath. "Well," she began, "I may or may not have told a little white lie about meeting some guy over the summer and I may or may not have insinuated that said guy is now my boyfriend. So whoever my date is tonight needs to pretend that we've been dating for a few months. And please don't ask me why, because I really don't have time to explain my life to you right now. But I figured you have to have a friend in the city right now that would do this for me, no questions asked. After all, I am 'The great Serena van der Woodsen'," she finished, closing her eyes as she waited for a response._

_The line was quiet for a few moments before the sound of her brother's laughter filled her ears._

"_I don't know how you always manage to get yourself into these fucked up situations. What's in it for me if I do this for you?"_

_Serena smirked. She had expected him to ask for something in return and her previously thought of response flowed easily from her lips. "I won't tell mom what really happened to the original Monet painting that was supposed to be auctioned off at that charity event."_

_She fought to contain her laughter as she imagined the look on her brother's face upon hearing her response. The infamous Monet painting scandal had been her brother's biggest secret for years._

"_You can be such a bitch, Serena," Erik replied with a sigh, "…my buddy Ryan is still in town for another week, I'm sure I could hook something up."_

_Relief flooded through Serena as she let out a high-pitched squeal. "You're the best brother any girl could ask for," she replied, using the sweetest tone of voice she could manage._

"_Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just try not to break the guy's heart too badly when he falls in love with you after five minutes. I'll never hear the end of it."_

"_I'll do my best," she replied with a laugh, "I'll text you the address to the bar we're meeting at."_

_She was about to hang up when her brother spoke again._

"_Wait."_

"_Yeah, Erik?"_

"_**Does**__ starting to drink at one in the afternoon make me an alcoholic?"_

_The only response Erik heard was his sister's laughter followed by a click._

Serena studied herself in the mirror as Blair zipped up the back of her new LBD she had purchased at Saks earlier that day.

Her sleek blonde hair rested just past her chest, with no hint of frizz and no hair out of place. Her navy eyes were accented with varying shades of grey and black (dark colors to match her mood, she had thought bitterly when she began applying her makeup), and her lips were left neutral, only covered by her favorite strawberry flavored lip balm.

Her dress was simple, with the relatively high neckline in the front balanced out by the skin bearing design in the back, which plunged down to the small of her lower back. The dress stopped at mid-thigh, leaving a large portion of her long legs exposed, which she just covered with a layer of her favorite warm vanilla scented lotion.

She knew she looked incredible. She also knew that her plan to make Nate miserable tonight wasn't going to be hard to accomplish.

At the thought of Nate, Serena felt a brief twinge of guilt. She turned to study the girl who had been her best friend for as long as she could remember. Blair looked beautiful, she really did. Her long chestnut colored hair cascaded down her back in a wave of curls and her classic red lips matched the one shoulder dress that she had purchased earlier that day. Blair gave off an air of class and sophistication that only someone like her could manage to do at the age of sixteen. Serena knew she would be lying to herself if she said she wasn't jealous of everything Blair had that she didn't (i.e. a certain green-eyed boy that she had been in love with for as long as she could remember).

The sound of Blair's phone ringing broke through Serena's thoughts.

"Okay, we'll be down," was Blair's only response before hanging up the phone and tossing it into her purse. She briefly glanced into the mirror one last time before turning to Serena. "Ready?"

Taking one last deep breath and grabbing her black Louboutin pumps from the corner of the room, she gave Blair one of the infamous van der Woodsen smiles before finally replying.

"As ready as I'm going to be."

**xoXox**

Serena ducked her head as she entered the limo, immediately locking eyes with Nate as she stepped in. The only acknowledgment she offered him was a cold stare before taking a seat next to Chuck and two girls she had never seen before.

Blair followed directly after Serena, taking her place next to Nate whom she greeted with a brief kiss, before neatly crossing her legs and smoothing out her dress.

"Ladies, this is Serena and Blair," Chuck said, nodding to each of them respectably. The Dirty Sluts (as Blair dubbed them the moment after she stepped into the limo) introduced themselves as Tasha and Candy (although Serena and Blair later decided that those probably weren't their real names).

"You girls are both so beautiful," one of the sluts exclaimed before turning to Serena and adding, "Look how gorgeous your legs are."

"Gorgeous indeed," added Chuck as his eyes slowly traveled up her body. Serena giggled and rolled her eyes before politely thanking Slut Number One.

Across the limo Nate was struggling with the urge to glance at Serena's legs himself as he sat with his arm draped over Blair's shoulders. He forced himself to look at his girlfriend, as he leaned down for another kiss.

"You've already been drinking," Blair murmured as she pulled away from Nate, the taste of whiskey lingering on her tongue.

Nate smiled mischievously as he placed his mouth right next to her ear. "You look beautiful tonight," he breathed, causing Blair to shiver involuntarily.

Serena, who had been watching Blair and Nate, felt as if she had just been punched in the stomach. Desperate to compose herself, she tore her eyes away from the sickeningly happy couple and plastered a smile on her face. "So, who's ready for some shots?"

**xoXox**

Nate had learned to control his emotions a long time ago. Being an Archibald man meant never showing any signs of weakness, and being able to bluff in any and all situations. However, he had a feeling that tonight was going to be a true test of his self control.

True to New York fashion, the traffic was terrible and they had already been in the limo for twenty minutes with at least another ten to go before they reached their destination. And in those twenty minutes he had never seen anyone down as many shots as Serena van der Woodsen.

"One, two, three," Serena shouted, before tossing back another shot with Slut Number Two, her face showing no signs of discomfort at downing a shot of straight vodka.

Wiping her mouth, Serena giggled (a sound that Nate would never admit how much he loved) as she set the shot glass back down on the small counter. "I should probably stop now," she announced, smiling happily across the limo at Blair.

Blair rolled her eyes at her friend, a smile appearing on her face. "You think, S? I don't feel like holding your hair back tonight," she teased.

"But you would if I needed you to," Serena proudly declared before blowing a kiss in Blair's direction.

"I could help you out with some _other_ needs," Chuck interjected, a smirk plastered on his face. Serena's drunken giggles filled the car once again as she lightly slapped Chuck's arm. "Shut up, Chuck."

Across the limo, Nate was losing his "do not look at Serena under any circumstance" battle. She was just so fucking painfully beautiful. He watched as Chuck tried to place a hand on one of her exposed thighs, only to have Serena's laughter ring out once more as she pushed him away.

Serena's laugh was like a drug to Nate. The sound wrapped itself around him, and refused to let him go. Soon his mind was filled with memories of her laugh, memories of her, memories of that night. He could still feel her beneath him, her body pressed up against his as they kissed. He could still remember the exact look in her eyes when he asked her if she was sure she wanted to keep going.

"Are you okay?" After several seconds, Nate realized that Blair had been talking to him. Not trusting his voice, the only thing he could do was nod before leaning down to place a small kiss on her lips.

She studied him for several more moments before deciding (to Nate's relief) to just let it go. If her boyfriend wanted to act like a fucking weirdo and stare at her best friend like some demented zombie (like every other fucking guy in this city) then he could. Why the fuck should she care? He was with her, not Serena, and that's all that mattered, right?

Blair's mental rant was interrupted when Slut Number Two squealed out, "We're here!" Straightening her dress and tightening her grip on her boyfriend, Blair stepped out of the limo and made her way towards the bar entrance, trying not to notice the sullen look on Nate's face as he watched Serena skip off in front of them.

**xoXox**

"So exactly how did you two meet?" Blair stared at the two gorgeous blondes sitting across from her. She couldn't have imagined a better match for Serena than the Greek god sitting next to her at that moment.

True to his word, Ryan had already been there waiting for them when they arrived. Upon seeing Serena enter the room, his face lit up with a charming smile and he slowly made his way over to the group. When he finally reached them he pulled Serena into a long, inviting hug, his hand briefly touching the exposed skin of her lower back as he did so.

Blair had felt Nate's entire body begin to tense up the second Ryan touched Serena, and she quickly suggested that they all sit down and order some drinks before things became too awkward.

"Well…" Serena began, unsure of what exactly her brother had told Ryan about the situation. However, to her surprise, Ryan quickly interrupted her, smiling at Blair confidently. "At the beginning of summer, Erik had asked me if I would go up to his family's house in Ridgefield with him for a few weeks. Never one to miss a chance to party it up with the van der Woodsens, I said yes. We were only there for fifteen minutes before we decided to make the drive down to the beach. Once we were there, I noticed the prettiest girl," he paused to smile at Serena, "running around the beach, chasing her hat that was blowing around in the wind. It finally landed in the ocean, so I took the opportunity to play hero and jumped in to retrieve it for her. At that point she was completely in love with me and practically threw herself at me. Unfortunately, Erik ran over and informed me that this was his little sister, so I had to force her to back off, for Erik's sake. But, over the next two weeks she eventually wore down my resolve and convinced me to let her take me on a date."

Serena laughed and looked at him skeptically. "I'm pretty sure you were the one that kept _begging_ me to go on a date with you."

Ryan vehemently shook his head. "You're just confused baby, it's okay," he replied as he lightly ruffled her hair.

The rest of the table chuckled (everyone except Nate that is), and Serena breathed a sigh of relief as the conversation turned away from her and Ryan. Leaning over in her chair, she whispered into Ryan's ear, "I had no idea you were such a good liar."

"I just have a very vivid imagination," he replied, the huskiness of his voice and the smirk on his face suggested that he was talking about something completely different.

Serena stared at him for a moment; she hadn't really given much thought about how she wanted the evening to end. He definitely was attractive. And she was definitely drunk. And yet, somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that nothing would happen between them. Her heart was taken, and she wasn't quite ready to get it back yet.

"I'll bet you do," she replied with a smirk, leaning away from him. Shifting in her seat, Serena turned her attention back to the rest of the table only to be met with a pair of piercing green eyes.

Serena had seen Nate pissed off many times throughout the duration of their friendship. There was the time in the 3rd grade when Jeremy Foster broke his hockey stick on purpose during recess. That situation ended with Nate in the principal's office and Jeremy in the nurse's office with a bloody nose. There was also the time in 6th grade when Ben Harbor made fun of Blair's new hair cut, causing Nate to step in and "correct" his opinion.

She had seen Nate angry. But she had never seen him look at anyone the way he was looking at her at that moment; she could practically feel the daggers he was mentally stabbing her eyes out with. And yet, she couldn't bring herself to look away.

She was vaguely aware that there was a conversation going on around her, something about Blair's latest "charity event" she had been planning all month. She was also vaguely aware of the fact that she and Nate were just sitting there, staring rather intensely at each other, and that Blair (and everyone else at the table) was bound to notice eventually. But at that moment, none of it seemed to matter. Because all she saw was him.

Suddenly, she felt a warm hand rest on her shoulder. "Hey, are you okay?" She turned to see a concerned looking Ryan staring questioningly at her.

Glancing around the table, she realized everyone else was also staring at her. She felt the blood rush to her cheeks, turning them a crimson red. "I… Um…" When did the room start spinning? How long had Blair been glaring at her? Did they turn the heat up in here? She needed to get a hold of herself.

"I'm fine. I'm just feeling a little sick. I'm going to run to the restroom really quickly," she managed to get out before standing shakily from her seat.

"Let me come with you," Ryan replied, already starting to get up from his chair. "No, that's okay, I'm fine, really. I'm just going to freshen up," she answered, nervously running her fingers through her hair. "And then maybe afterwards we can hit the dance floor," she added with a flirtatious smile.

The entire table's eyes followed her as she disappeared into the packed crowd. "Well," Chuck began, clearing his throat, "Care to tell us what that was about Nathaniel?" Nate shrugged his shoulders indifferently as he quickly tossed back the last of his whiskey, "I don't know what you're talking about man."

Blair, who had been surprisingly quiet for the last few minutes, glanced up at Nate. Did he really think she was that fucking blind? Did he even give a fuck that he was embarrassing her right now?

Just as she was about to open her mouth, Nate spoke again. "I'm going to go up to the bar and grab another drink, anyone else want one?"

**xoXox**

The cold water felt amazing as she splashed it on her face, careful not to mess up her eye makeup in the process.

She took another deep breath, for what seemed like the hundredth time, as she tried to get Nate's face out of her mind.

How could she have thought she'd be strong enough to handle this? Every look he gave her drove her crazy. Every touch, every kiss, every glance he gave Blair killed her. But no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't hate him.

Glancing at her reflection in the mirror one last time, she put on a smile and slowly made her way out of the crowded bathroom.

The pulse of the thumping bass quickly filled her ears as she tried to push her way through the crowded hallway. After several shoves she had almost successfully made it to the entrance of the dance floor when she suddenly felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist.

The next thing she knew she was in some sort of storage closet, the darkness prohibiting her from seeing who had grabbed her. "Great," she thought sarcastically, "Getting raped in a closet is exactly what I needed to turn my night around."

"Listen asshole," she began, unsure of which area of the closet to direct her rant towards.

"So I'm an asshole now," a man's voice questioned softly into her ear, his warm breath tickling the back of her neck.

Her body involuntarily shivered. She _knew_ that voice.

"What the fuck, Nate? A closet? Seriously?"

She attempted to turn around to face him, but his hands quickly grabbed her hips, keeping her back pressed up against his chest.

"What do you want?"

"You," he whispered, his mouth still placed directly next to her ear.

Serena was suddenly very aware of how close their bodies were to each other and how fast her heart was beating. She struggled to keep her composure as she tried to think of anything coherent to say to him.

"Too bad," she scoffed, adding, "Go find Blair," before once again trying to break free from his grasp.

But Nate held her tighter, her response only increasing his anger.

"Why? So you can go home and fuck your boyfriend?"

The coldness in his voice caught her off guard and left her momentarily speechless.

"Tell me," Nate continued, as his fingers slowly traced down her thigh, "Does he really even compare to me?"

Serena involuntarily shuddered again and instead of trying to push him away as she intended to, she found herself leaning back into his touch. His fingers continued moving in small circles on her bare thigh, quickly destroying whatever small amount of sanity she had left.

Serena's silence only made Nate bolder. His fingers slowly began to trail up the inside of her thigh, brushing across the lacy fabric of her panties. Serena felt like her body was on fire, a small moan escaped from her lips as his fingers continue their assault.

Suddenly, a large thump echoed throughout the closet as someone in the hallway stumbled into the outside of the door.

The sound abruptly brought Serena back to reality. She quickly turned in Nate's arms, blue eyes immediately staring angrily up at green ones in the darkness. There were so many things she wanted to say at that moment. That he hurt her, that he was continuing to hurt her by doing things like this. That he was making her feel cheap, and used. That this wasn't some sort of game. That she loved Blair, her best friend. That he was being a drunken asshole. That what she did with Ryan was none of his business. And that she loved him and wanted him more than he would ever know.

Instead, she settled on slapping him across the face before turning and storming out of the closet, slamming the door behind her.

**xoXox**

Serena had already managed to down three more shots of vodka before Nate made his way back to the table. She instantly noticed his cheek was still a light shade of pink and she struggled to keep a smirk from appearing on her face.

Not wanting to be present when the table began to question Nate about his cheek, she leaned over to Ryan and asked him if he would dance with her. He eagerly accepted, offering Serena his hand before leading her to the packed the dance floor.

Nate returned to his seat at the table, promptly taking a large gulp of the whiskey sitting in front of him, while trying to ignore the fact that Serena had chosen to dance with Ryan in an area of the dance floor that was completely visible from his seat.

"What the hell happened to your face?"

Nate turned slightly to find Blair glaring questioningly at him.

"Some girl slapped me when I was waiting at the bar for my drink because I was 'in her way' or some shit. I don't know, drunk girls are crazy." Nate knew the story sounded like bull shit, but he really didn't care to or feel like coming up with anything more believable.

"Well, before Nate's manhood endures anymore injuries from drunken women, why don't we all head up to my suit for a little after party," Chuck suggested, already beginning to help Slut 1 and Slut 2 up from their seats.

"Actually, I have to be up tomorrow morning to start working on that charity event, I think I'm ready to head home, can you get us a cab," Blair said, looking inquiringly up at Nate.

Nate allowed his eyes to travel to the dance floor once more. The beat to some Rihanna song was blasting through the club, as Serena and Ryan danced in a nearby corner.

When Serena danced, it was almost as if she was in another world. Her eyes were closed, and her hair was sweaty and out of place as she slowly grinded her hips against Ryan to the bass. Nate's fists immediately clenched, and he tore his eyes away from them to turn his attention to Blair.

"I actually think I'm going to hang out at Chuck's suit for a little. Why don't you just head home and I'll come over when I'm done."

He saw a million different emotions flash in Blair's eyes, ranging from anger to hurt and he immediately felt guilty. He quickly took another gulp of whiskey, preparing himself for the freak out he was sure was about to come.

However, Blair surprised him by simply nodding her head, and giving him a small peck on the lips before standing and making her way to the door, ignoring the farewell shouts from Sluts 1 and 2 in the process.

Nate's eyes followed her until she was no longer in sight, before turning his gaze back to what the rest of the male population in the club was currently staring at, Serena.

She was still steadily dancing to the beat, her flawless legs looking impossibly long in her black heels. The smug look on Ryan's face made it clear that he was aware that he was the luckiest guy in the room. Suddenly, Nate felt a hand on his shoulder.

"I think we need to have a talk, Nathaniel."

Nate turned to find Chuck standing directly behind him, following his gaze to where Serena was dancing. He allowed a deep sigh to escape from his lips before nodding his head and following Chuck to the elevators that led to the suits upstairs.

**xoXox**

"So you've basically accomplished what every guy in our class has been dreaming about since puberty?"

Nate allowed himself to chuckle. When they arrived at the suite, Chuck told the Sluts to occupy themselves while he and Nate had a discussion. Ten minutes and two glasses of whiskey later, Nate had confided in Chuck what had happened between him and Serena over the past week.

"Was she as good as we all dreamed," Chuck continued, the smirk on his face growing wider as he noticed Nate's cheeks turn a crimson red.

With a frustrated sigh, Nate collapsed back on the large L-shaped couch they were sitting on, closing his eyes and trying to focus on the feeling of his skin against the cool, white leather. "C'mon man, I'm in some serious need of advice."

"Nathaniel, my advice always involves alcohol and women, not getting shoved in the middle of two best friends."

Nate raised his head slightly, glaring at Chuck on the opposite end of the couch. "I just really don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore."

Setting his glass down on the mahogany coffee table in front of him, Chuck let out a sigh before shifting to face Nate.

"You've always been one to do what you're told. Whether it's your grandfather, your parents, or Blair, you've always had someone tell you exactly what to say and how to act. My advice for you, Nathaniel, would be to figure out what it is you want, not what everyone else wants for you."

Nate pulled himself back up into a sitting position, staring at Chuck with a shocked expression on his face.

"Chuck Bass knows how to give actual advice? Did that really just come out of your mouth?"

"I'm wise beyond my years, Nathaniel."

An eruption of giggles could be heard coming from the bedroom, and Chuck quickly finished the rest of his whiskey before standing up. "That's my cue. You'll see yourself out?"

Nate chuckled once again, some things would never change. "Yeah man, thanks for listening to me about everything. I appreciate it."

"Any time, Nathaniel. Unless I'm otherwise occupied with a lady friend, of course."

Nate rose and made his way to the door. He turned the handle and was about to step into the hallway when he turned back towards the room. "Hey, Chuck?"

"Yeah?"

"She was better."

Shaking his head, Chuck smirked and turned away, walking towards the giggles that were still coming from the bedroom.

**xoXox**

Nate briefly glanced at the 2:04 A.M. displayed across his cell phone before shoving it back into his pocket and slowly stepping out of the elevator. The bass from the dance floor immediately reached his ears as he made his way towards the club entrance.

Just as he was about to call Blair to inform her he was on his way over, his eyes caught sight of a mess of blonde hair sprawled across the bar counter top.

"What the…" he muttered to himself, as he pushed his way to the bar stool where a very drunk and very sleepy looking Serena sat (if you could call it sitting) by herself. An eager looking guy was sitting on the other side of her, clearly assuming he had hit the jackpot; a beautiful, unbelievably drunk girl to convince to come home with him.

Nate quietly sat down on the stool next to her just in time to hear her slur an annoyed, "Go away" to the man sitting on the other side of her.

"Oh c'mon," the man replied, "at least let me help you get home." His eyes briefly glanced down at her legs before raising them back to her face again.

"I think it's pretty clear that she doesn't want any help from you."

At the sound of Nate's voice, Serena (with a great amount of effort) turned in her stool to face him.

"Not you again," she mumbled, shooing him away with her hand.

"It seems pretty clear that she doesn't want any help from you either, man."

Nate glared at the man, resisting the urge to punch him in the face. "She's just drunk. I've known her since she was six years old, and I know how to take care of her. Just back off."

A giggle erupted from the drunken girl in between them.

"You know how to take care of me?" She continued to giggle as she turned to the man sitting next to her. "You know how he takes care of me? By sleeping with me and then rubbing his relationship with my best friend in my face."

The man warily glanced between Serena and Nate once more before shaking his head and mumbling a "forget it" before walking away.

Growing increasing frustrated, Nate attempted to guide Serena off her bar tool and towards the bar exit, only to be met with more resistance from the stubborn blonde.

"I can walk by myself," she snapped before stumbling off in front of Nate with her head held high.

By the time Nate caught up to her, she was standing on the edge of the sidewalk outside of the bar, repeatedly shouting at each taxi that passed her. Nate allowed a chuckle to escape his lips. Even when he was impossibly annoyed with her, Serena still always managed to make him smile.

"You know, swearing at them isn't going to make them stop for you."

"Shut up."

The smirk on Nate's face grew wider as he continued to step forward, coming to a stop right next to her.

"What happened to Ryan," Nate questioned, his voice growing serious. "Did he really just leave you alone like that?"

"I told him to leave."

_What?_ "I don't understand…"

Letting out a sigh of frustration, Serena ran her fingers through her hair before speaking again. "It's complicated, I'm drunk, you're you, and I just can't have this conversation right now."

Swaying slightly in her five-inch heels, Serena gave up on standing and sat down on the edge of the sidewalk, placing her head in her hands.

Nate leaned slightly forward, toward the busy New York City street, and raised his hand into the air. A moment later, a cab pulled up along the curb.

"I told you it works better when you're not yelling at them."

An incoherent mumble was the only response Nate got before he bent down and easily scooped up the blonde into his arms and placed her into the back seat of the cab. He quickly slid in after her and gave the cabdriver Serena's address.

As the cab pulled away from the club, a half-passed out Serena shifted in her seat, allowing her head to rest against Nate's broad shoulder. "I miss you, Natie," he heard her whisper, her voice barely audible and heavy with sleep.

A genuine smile slowly appeared on Nate's face. "I miss you, too." And even as he spoke those words, he knew she had already fallen asleep.

A mixture of emotions and questions run through Nate's head as he allowed himself to gently stroke Serena's long blonde hair, her heavy breathing the only sound filling the cab.

Why did she tell Ryan to leave? Did they break up? Does she really miss him? Does she want to be with him as badly as he wants to be with her? A feeling of hope spreads throughout Nate's body at the possibility.

Several minutes later, the cab came to a stop outside of Serena's penthouse. Nate paid the driver and lifted a sleeping Serena into his arms once again, making his way up the stairs to the building's entrance.

"Mr. Archibald, I'm glad to see I can still count on you to get Ms. van der Woodsen home safely."

Throughout the last year, there had been multiple occasions where Nate had taken on the responsibility of getting a drunk and stubborn Serena van der Woodsen home. For some reason, he always seemed to be the only one she'd listen to (to some extent), and for some reason, he always seemed to be the only one that wanted to take care of her.

James gave Nate a brief smile before glancing sadly down at the sleeping girl in his arms. "Did she at least make it to the cab before falling asleep this time?"

"Wide awake and stubborn all the way till end," Nate replied, the ghost of a smile forming on his face as he remembered the time he found Serena asleep at a bar, softly snoring in the corner.

"She's lucky to have you, you know."

Nate shrugged, unsure of how to respond. A conversation with James usually involved talking about the weather, followed by some light banter about Nate's love life. A serious comment from James was uncharted territory for Nate.

After a moment of awkward silence, Nate mumbled something about needing to get Serena up to bed and he quickly entered the building and stepped into an already waiting elevator.

He gently shifted Serena in his arms as the elevator began to climb towards her penthouse. She looked so peaceful when she was asleep, so… not _angry_. Something that she seemed to always be when she was around him lately.

The loud ping of the elevator alerted Nate of their arrival to Serena's floor. He slowly walked the familiar path up the van der Woodsen's marble staircase and down the hallway where Serena's room was located. Lightly pushing open the door, he stepped inside the room. Memories of the last time he was in there began to flood his mind.

"_I'm serious. I meant what I said, Nate. I just want to pretend this never happened."_

"_Last night was just sex. It didn't really mean anything and I'm sorry if I led you to believe otherwise."_

The pain those words brought him was still fresh in his mind. Did they really only have that conversation last night? Everything had been happening so fast.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Nate walked over to Serena's bed and gently placed her on top of the satin sheets. He carefully removed her heels and set them on the floor before leaning over the sleeping blonde's form and gently smoothing her hair out of her face.

She let out a soft sigh as he pressed his lips lightly to her forehead, before turning and walking towards the door.

A million thoughts and emotions were running through his head as he made his way back towards the van der Woodsen's elevator. The one thing he knew for certain though, was that he loved the sleeping girl upstairs more than he could ever put into words.

Just as he stepped into the elevator his cell phone began to vibrate. Glancing down at the screen, he saw a picture of him and Blair glaring back at him. His finger hovered over the bright green "answer" button for several moments, before shifting to the right and pressing "ignore" instead. He shoved his phone back into his pocket with a sigh, and then made his way out of Serena's building and started the short walk back to his family's penthouse.


End file.
